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So he’s ghosting you, but he’s also trying to sleep with you?
I don’t understand,” my friend Josh said to me, as I tried to explain how a guy I’d been seeing for a couple weeks had gone inexplicably MIA.
The conversations became fewer and further between; the lag time between general niceties and sexual propositions shrank precipitously.
And yet they still exist; one small flare sent up per day from Theo, designed specifically to back burner with the best of ‘em.
A back burner enthusiast, after all, doesn’t cop to being a cad, so outright douchebaggery is usually sidestepped in lieu of the gentle gaslight: enough check-ins to feign ignorance if called out on fading away, not enough to hold up in the court of public opinion as proof a relationship of any nature reasonably existed.
This level of juggling even for a rational person, can be exhausting.
Even if you take Matt’s theory to heart, that a solid back burner can give you a confidence boost, you’re still making a tacit choice that your needs outweigh the feelings of the person who’s interested in you, while you use them as a backup plan to your first choice fuck buddy.“I cannot wrap my head around the fact that some guy would text you about your boobs all week, and then not try to actually see your boobs,” marveled my ex-boyfriend, who has been in a relationship so long now he’s forgotten how terrible humanity can be.And while I agree with him – who turns down free boobs?Nearly every person I spoke with admitted that they had back burnered someone before, despite each also having been back burnered themselves.A back burner lacking in conscience, or even a hopeful burned might try to suggest that no back burnering is taking place – “This is just how casual dating goes, right? As someone who is currently keeping a different guy who hasn’t quite gotten the hint on my own back burner, despite also being back burnered by Theo, I know a back burner when I see one. For a commitment-phobe, being someone else’s back burner is ideal.” She’s quick to clarify that she only starts her set of burners when she’s single; for Anna, staying on someone’s back burner isn’t an act shrouded in mystery – she’s upfront about the fact that her relationships at that point in time are going to stay casual.